the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
