It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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