I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize