Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
