So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I love you. Go after that dick
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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