Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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