grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
