My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
