You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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