booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
