Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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