You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize