you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
