Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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