Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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