"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
