My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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