just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
