Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
