even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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