if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize