I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
