Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
