youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
