You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he was CRYING into my vagina
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
