as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize