you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
