I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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