That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
