did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
