Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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