dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
