I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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