Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
