But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
