I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
