the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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