i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
