"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I wear drunk well.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
