Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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