I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
