Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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