It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
3pm strippers are depressing
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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