So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
