my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So much rum. So many feels.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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