id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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