Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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