So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
is that a dick in a sweater?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
