i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i drank out of a bidet.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
