Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
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