so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
