if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
