I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
