Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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