i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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