I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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