this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
