I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
