You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
