Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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