You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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