Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
