This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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