Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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