Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
