Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
