Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
