Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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