he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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