we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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