I wanna bring you to show and tell
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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