is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize