That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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