Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Randomize
