Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
what day is it and did you see me today?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize