just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
