you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
im having a threesome with these popsicles
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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