I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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