He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
