Please, let me fuck your mom
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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