You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize