Your tits are I can't wait for
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
