so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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