I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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