Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
