I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize