M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
