allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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