masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
