I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
