You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize