A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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