I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
