If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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