i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
