i will never coherently bang her
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize