he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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