I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
