You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Randomize
