i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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