The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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