Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
