She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
