Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
