I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
