There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
