Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
