i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
