i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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