How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
so let's talk penis.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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