Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
