Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
